Unsent Letters
by wakawaka22
Summary: Sasuke receives a letter from Naruto after training with Orochimaru. He finds a way to vent his emotions and sort them out, discovering something about himself in the process... SasuNaru. Romance/Humour/Angst


**FINALLY GOT THIS DONE! Had it written in January... Heh heh... Anyway. I think this is my longest one-shot ever. It's... different from my other stories. Hope you like it :)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto.**

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><p>Sasuke sat at his mahogany table, thinking of his day's training with Orochimaru. Well, it was extremely different from Kakashi's methods, that was for sure. Just as he was about to pull out a scroll, something caught his eye. There, resting peacefully on his pillow, was a letter. It had the words "Sasuke Uchiha" scrawled on it in very familiar handwriting. It was also wet. Cringing slightly, Sasuke stuffed the scroll back into his pocket and reached for the letter.<p>

~Reads Letter~

Sasuke sighed. He knew what he had to do. Taking out an empty scroll, he dipped his quill into the pot of ink, and proceeded to write a reply letter. Well, kind of.

_Date: 23__th__ November_

_Naruto,_

_I was, at the very least, shocked to see your letter. Who told you where Orochimaru's lair is, anyway? I doubt you're smart enough to find it yourself. Furthermore, how did your toad manage to get into my room and on my bed without setting off my traps? I don't believe that your toad summons are that smart._

_Anyway, since I won't get a reply anyway, I shall move on. Since I obviously can't reply to you, and yet I must, in some form or other, express my distaste at whatever you say, I have settled upon this solution. I shall reply and write what I wish, except I won't send it. Nothing short of brilliance, as expected from an Uchiha._

_So, in reply to your question, yes I'm doing very well thank you, especially since you're gone. No more annoying dobe to interrupt my training. No, I obviously do not miss you and the other Konoha ninjas. I didn't know them well anyway. No, I do not wish to return to Konoha, and neither do I want your 'rescue'ing. Stay out of my business._

_Yes, Orochimaru is creepy, but he's a good teacher. No, he does not eat babies. Neither does he perform weird 'innocent rooster-killing rituals', as you so aptly put it._

_I shall not dignify that statement with a response._

_Stop saying you're going to rescue me. I joined Orochimaru for a reason, and a damned good one at that._

_Oh, and next time you try to 'save' me, at least brush up on your training. I must say, your accuracy is disgraceful. To think I used to be on the same team as you._

…

_I'm only going to write this since you're never going to see this._

_I admit it; your Rasengan is more powerful than my Chidori. Too bad your accuracy is worse than a chipmunk's, dobe._

_Uchiha Sasuke_

_~O~_

Sasuke was distracted from his scroll when he felt something wet drop into his lap. He looked down, not believing. A toad sat there, letter in his mouth, tongue curling protectively over it. As a result, a huge amount of slobber was dripping onto Sasuke's lap. He grimaced, but gently tugged the letter loose from the toad anyway. Before he could kill it, however, it disappeared with a puff of smoke.

Gingerly, he broke the seal, reading what his dobe had written.

~Reads Naruto's Letter~

_Date: 26__th__ November_

_Naruto,_

_Ugh. I don't reply to you for a reason, idiot. I have to demoralize you and frankly, I don't want to give you hope that I'm ever coming back. 'Cause I'm not._

_Glad to know Konoha's missing me. Of course they desperately need me back; I wield the Sharingan and am a competent ninja, unlike you. Therefore, I highly doubt you're going to be able to 'beat me senseless' and 'drag me by my sorry ass' back to Konoha; no matter how much you improve, I'll always be better than you. Remember that._

_Oh well, guess you can't, since you won't see this anyway._

_Oh please. Your useless pleas for me to come back only shows how weak you truly are, begging someone for something that is impossible. Give it up already. You are nothing but a useless lowlife, why would I ever want to 'come back to you'? You're not worth it. Not as much as my revenge._

_No one is._

_Uchiha Sasuke_

_~O~_

Sasuke woke up from his light slumber. For some reason, his heart felt incredibly heavy. The day before… He shuddered. He didn't understand it. And he didn't like things he couldn't understand. Sighing, he sat up, and walked to his mahogany table. He glanced at the now-dry letters of his ex-teammate. Only two. For yet another unfathomable reason, he wished there was more.

Heart heavy, he decided to write. It relieved him of stress, he noticed.

Probably because he had no one to insult here.

Naruto…

_Date: 30__th__ November_

_Naruto,_

_Usuratonkachi. Stop saying things you don't mean. I'll tell you something; you're pathetic. Bouncing up and down, doing the 'good-guy' pose. Save that for Lee and Gai, at least it suits them. On you, it looks ridiculous. Especially when you're doing it for Sakura's benefit._

_That bitch._

_Honestly. You'll do anything, __**anything,**__ for me to come back? What are you, delusional? You must either be more stupid than previously thought to actually __**say**__ that, but on account of our previous __friendship__ acquaintanceship, I'll write it off as a momentary lapse in sanity due to the new hole I'd torn in you – literally._

_Just don't do it again._

_Uchiha Sasuke_

Sighing, Sasuke folded the piece of paper once, twice, and placed it in the box where he kept all of his unsent letters as well as Naruto's.

He really did wish he had a bigger pile.

_~O~_

Sasuke staggered into his room, clothes ripped and bloody. He could barely see from the sweat – and blood – dripping into his eyes. He shut the door in Orochimaru and Kabuto's concerned faces, he _really_ didn't feel like dealing with them now. Especially not when their concern existed only because they needed his body.

It was disgusting, really.

Limping, he fell into his chair, pulled out an empty scroll, and began writing. He didn't bother changing, washing up or even taking a sip of water even though his throat felt like it was on fire. He was desperate; he needed to clear his mind!

_Date: 12__th__ December_

_Naruto,_

_Why? WHY? Will you __**please**__ stop it? I'm not worth it, okay! How can you still have so much bloody faith in me, after all those times I hurt you? And stop with those nonsensical pep talks, they're all for show and both you and I know it! Even the stupid 'good-guy' pose is fake now; your eyes are as empty as my heart is!_

_And yet, and yet... Those idiots who call themselves your friends suck it up. They fucking BELIEVE you! They let themselves think that you are actually in fact alright, and yet it's so blatantly obvious that that's not the case it hurts. What kind of friends are they? Why do you __**DO**_ _this to yourself?_

…

_And most importantly, why am __**I**_ _affected by it? I shouldn't care, in fact, I should be __**HAPPY**__ you're hurting. And yet… I'm not. When I see, __**know**__, you're hurt, I hurt too. Why is that? What WARRANTS you to have this kind of power over me? WHO do you think you are? You're NOTHING! Nothing but a miserable, pathetic, disillusioned child._

_Yeah, I was probably just tired or something. Still am. Nothing more than a brain malfunction. I should be back to normal after some sleep. Yeah. Sleep. I need that, not your stupid smile, not your stupid voice, not your –_

_Goddammit. I'm going to sleep. Now._

_Uchiha Sasuke_

_~O~_

Sasuke placed his past letters back in their box, hand rubbing his face frustratedly. After reading them, he couldn't deny the truth any longer, but what could he do about it? Nothing. However, he felt the need to justify himself, if just to lessen the guilt in his chest. He picked up his quill and began to write. It was becoming a habit now. It was time to make some decisions.

_Date: 23__rd__ December_

_Naruto,_

_I… I don't know what to say. I'm honestly speechless. When I left you th – No, when you sai – I felt something akin to – _

_Urgh. This is getting nowhere. I'll start from the beginning._

_I know you stopped sending letters after the first encounter, when I – _Sasuke choked – _tore a hole through your shoulder. And yet I continued to write, write letters to you that you'll never see. Why? I don't know. It helps to clear my head, maybe? To assure myself that I still feel, that I'm still human? That somewhere, there is a written record of what I'm going through, and life really isn't a bed of roses, even for geniuses like me? I don't know. But whatever the case, I know one thing: I shall not lie to myself. Lying to oneself is reserved for weaklings who can't take the truth, and I am definitely not a weakling._

_Thus, I shall not deny anything that I write, and I write whatever comes to mind._

Sasuke felt a little contentment at his proclamation.

_And so I start. Today's encounter left me speechless, Naruto. That's why I had no choice but to grunt. What you said… It showed me a whole new realm of possibilities, both wonderful and daunting at the same time. It was a whole new world which I did not have time to ponder in that short span of time._

_I know it was inevitable; that there was simply no way I could respond appropriately to such a shocking declaration in that short amount of time. And yet, I find myself wanting to change what happened, wanting to make it all better, wanting __**you**__ to feel better._

_But we don't always get what we want, do we?_

_I wish I could apologize. Your pain, as I've said before, is my pain. So when, so when you fell to your knees and.. and CRIED, God Naruto, you fucking CRIED! What the hell was I supposed to do? I'm supposed to be your fucking enemy goddammit! Knowing I was the one who caused this pain made me want to kill myself, kill myself and just hope that somehow, it would make you feel better._

_But I can't._

_Being the stupid coward that I am, killing myself is out of the question. I am an Avenger, I have to kill Itachi and avenge my clan._

_There was – __**is**__ – no other way._

_And so, Naruto, don't say that, or things of that sort, ever again. Save it for someone else, Naruto. Someone who could appreciate it and treat you the way you should be treated._

_Because I don't deserve it, Naruto. Not after what I've done. I don't deserve your love._

Sasuke put down his quill, running a hand through his hair. He was far from satisfied, but that would have to do for now.

_~O~_

_Date: 1__st__ January_

_Naruto,_

_It's a peaceful day today, Naruto. The sky is nice and blue (still can't compete with your azure eyes, though), a light breeze is blowing (I can just imagine how it'll lightly ruffle that unruly hair of yours), and the sun was just right – not too hot and not too bright (still can't compete with your brilliant personality, however)._

_All in all, it was a perfect day. (Just like you.)_

_I can't help but wonder, what are you doing now? Are you thinking of me, like I am of you? The last time I saw you, you were bleeding, helpless, crying… No, I can't think of that now, it still hurts._

_Anyway, Orochimaru gave me the day off today. Said I wasn't focusing enough. But how could I help it? Eeverywhere I looked, the serene surroundings reminded me of you. You and Konoha. We did some pretty memorable stuff together as Team 7, life had been so simple and peaceful. I wish things hadn't changed._

…

Sasuke stared at the piece of paper, mesmerized, as he realized what he'd just written. Confused and utterly flabbergasted, he set quill to paper and started writing again.

_I… I don't honestly think that way, do I? I… I can't. I can't be missing life back in Konoha, it's just not possible…_

_Oh who am I kidding? It's right there; in black and white. I guess I really do feel that way, huh? But it doesn't matter, it doesn't make a difference anymore. I made my decision, altered the course of my life, and now I have to go through with it._

_I can only dream. Dream and wish. Dream and wish that you were here, by my side, Naruto. Dream and wish of what could have been._

_~O~_

_Date: 10__th__ January_

_Naruto,_

_Your words… They stung, Naruto. More so since now that you've actually said it, I realize I can't deny the truth of them. Made me feel as if what I've done and hope to achieve, my whole life, was a fluke. And yet, knowing this, I still can't be stopped. I have to do what I have to do._

_I only wish it wasn't so painful._

_~O~_

_Date: 20__th__ January_

_Naruto,_

_How could you do this to me? I'd always thought, always __**relied**__ on the fact that if you fell, no one would help you, save you, with the exception of Sakura and I. I know it's a little ridiculous, but… I can't help it. When we first met on the docks – well, met isn't exactly the right word, more like notice –, you and I were alone. The villagers hated you, loathed you, and so did their petty children. You and I were the only exceptions, surrounded by people yet so alone._

_I'd relied on that fact. That we were both alone, the same._

_But I guess times have changed. I just never really noticed it. You have friends now; Kiba, Sakura, Gaara, Ino… And so on. Me? I'm still alone._

_I guess we're no longer the same, huh? We're different now._

_What tied us together in the beginning is now lost._

_Today, Sakura was unconscious on the battlefield, and Kakashi was badly wounded. You and me still fought on, while your poor excuse of a teammate tried to help fight me. And then you fell. On your knees, crying in the dirt. I guess I got some kind of sick satisfaction at seeing you alone again, no longer surrounded by teammates, allies, comrades, happy faces… Once more that sad broken boy of the past._

_I was kidding myself, really. Like I said before; times have changed. When you fell… that idiot – Sai, I believe Sakura called him once – was by your side in an instant, helping you up by your arms. I was disgusted; how could you let that vermin touch you? That belly-shirt wearing ass was supposed to be my replacement?_

…

_I… I don't know what to feel anymore; this whole thing is just such a big fat mess. I… I feel sadness… hurt… betrayal, confusion, anger… self-loathing… So many emotions all mixed up, swirling in me, driving me on, but on to where? The heart is a stupid thing._

_I guess… I'm just kinda pissed and sad at the same time… How could you? How could Kakashi? How could you guys get someone to replace me? And him too. I mean honestly, that guy's a mockery of me. And what's more, I just can't believe the way you let him hold you, caress you, support you like that. Hey, who is he and what gives him the right to do that? He an't have known you for more than a year and already he's treating you like you're his best friend. Well I've got news for him; __**I'm**__ your best friend, and always will be!_

…

…_Will I?_

…

…_Or will he replace me in your heart, too?_

…

Sasuke stared at the words he'd written. God, it hurt! It hurt so fucking much he couldn't even get his hand to move anymore. It was like he was numb with pain, except that this time, the pain was purely psychological.

Shaking his head to ground himself, he forced his hand to move again.

_Regardless, I saw how well as a team you worked together. So what, now that I'm gone, you'll let just any pansy stroll in and fit in? That's __**my**__ spot, for fuck's sake!_

…_I can't believe you let him take my place._

…_It's like you __**want**__ me gone._

…_You don't want be to come back, do you? It's all an act, all a lie, by getting a replacement you're cementing the fact that I'm not coming back!_

…_You guys have no faith in me._

_And you ask me why I left. Well, I don't see a need to go back. You seem perfectly fine without me._

_You're supposed to be my friend, Naruto. Not his. You're supposed to be the one who understands me, the one who helps me, the one whom I can relate to like no other, and instead you go be that person for someone else. It's obvious; I've seen the way Sai looks at you, his adoration, admiration, __**everything**__. Maybe even love. This makes me want to gag. _

_You had better not love him back._

_I'm just really, really confused. Who do you, of all people, bring out these feelings in me, when I can't bring myself to give a shit about anyone else? Why __**you**__? I know that you're my friend, but deep down so are Kakashi and Sakura. So then why do they not bring out the same violent reactions as you do? I felt like ripping that cheap imitation of me apart when he held you, hugged you, whispered sweet nothings into your ear. I admit it, I lost my cool, raging with jealousy. All of a sudden, many long-forgotten emotions came rushing back, and I was left at a lost. _

_So I walked away._

_Leaving you in his arms, as you cried and pleaded for me._

_I find myself filled with more and more self-loathing as the days pass…_

… _And yet all I can do is hope that one day, you'll forgive me._

Sasuke stared, as if mesmerized, at the little black words his own hand had written.

Something…

Something in the back of his head was trying to tell him something, something monumental, something important.

…But what?

_~O~_

_Date: 27__th__ January_

_Naruto,_

_I'll finally let myself admit it, even if only to myself. I finally found out what my subconscious was trying to tell me all those days ago. I've been struggling with this long enough, and only weak people lie to themselves. Reading my past letters just seems to prove this fact._

_So, here goes nothing._

_I love you, Naruto._

_~O~_

_Date: 4__th__ February_

_Naruto,_

_It's been a week since I admitted by feelings for you. I'm messed up, aren't I? I'm supposed to hate you; you were my rival, an annoyance, and now my enemy. The bond we had was supposed to break two years ago._

_Yet, I love you. Fucking love you. Something is wrong with me._

_But, be that as it may, it doesn't change my feelings for you._

_You're wrong, Naruto. It wasn't because I was a coward. But rather because I couldn't do that, not to you. Today was the last straw; I couldn't do it, couldn't even try. I can't believe how I wouldn't have hesitated to bring you to the edge of death once more a few weeks ago._

_Especially seeing you._

_Seeing your face. Originally, I wasn't entirely sure that I loved you. But today, seeing your face just made everything so much clearer._

_I'm leaving._

_Fuck Orochimaru, poor bugger needs a haircut. Itachi… Meh. What you said about a month ago… It's true. Itachi can go do the can-can in front of Konoha and I won't budge, not if you're by my side._

_You're all that matters now, Naruto._

_I'm coming home._

_~O~_

_Date: 14__th__ February_

_Naruto,_

_It's Valentine's Day today, Naruto._

_This is… weird. Especially since now I can talk to you anytime, and yet I'm still writing this. I guess I just felt as if leaving the stack of unsent letters with no conclusion was kind of… incomplete. And, well, accuse me of being a perfectionist or whatever, but I dislike incomplete things. It's like a tradition now; writing._

_Getting back on topic._

_Leaving this place might not have been the worst mistake of my life, actually. In fact, it might be considered the best decision ever. If I hadn't left, I might never have realized my feelings for you, continuing to live my life lusting after revenge. I realize how pointless that is now; letting it control you, control your life._

_I mean sure. A little revenge is a good thing. Like, when I burnt all of Sai's paints when he groped your butt._

_But not if it takes over your whole life._

_But it doesn't matter now, what matters is that right now, I'm here, in Konoha, and so are you, by my side, where you belong._

_I love you, Naruto, and I love the fact that you love me too. When I think back to those days, those horrible days when I actually tried to __**kill**__ you… I can't stand it._

_I was so stupid._

_So, I guess, that's all I really got to say. Thank you, Naruto, thank you for being there, for having faith in me, for showing me the light – as cheesy as that sounds – and most of all, Naruto, thank you for loving me._

_I love you too._

_Happy Valentine's day._

_Sasuke_

Sasuke gently folded the piece of paper, placing it with the other unsent letters he had written over this past few months. He couldn't believe it; so much had changed in such a short time.

Good thing it was for the better.

Throwing the cardboard box out the window, Sasuke quickly performed the necessary hand seals and burned the box, burning papers fluttering in the air before being consumed by the flames.

He smiled. Now to find his blonde dobe.

End.

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><p><strong>:) Review please. I might put up a kind of second chapter thing with like the encounters between Sasuke and Naruto throughout the ordeal, or maybe just Naruto's speech, etc. If you want me to :)<strong>


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